A Thing of Beauty…

My good personal friend, Tony Z. a.k.a. Rancid Turtle, posted this brilliant piece on his encounter with the porn star "Houston" last week on my messageboard.. It was so moving that I just had to share it with you.I truly hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

Here it is, in all it’s glory:

Super Whore.

The single most revolting lump of flesh and plastic to ever live; Houston graced our good strip club this past weekend.


It’s a hard life… and apparently you wear out much faster than normal if you are a junkie single mother who happens to hold the world record for fucking 620 recent ex-cons, retards, 30 year old tubby virgins, general perverts, and industry pro studs all in one 24 hour period. Good sweet dancing poo of the retarded baby jesus clone.

I am traumatized.

At first I tried to only look at her through the mirrors. I couldn’t shake this irrational fear that if I looked directly into this modern day Medusa’s eyes my balls would shrivel like dried prunes and fall off. I tried, oh how I tried to protect myself but at length my eyes betrayed me and showed me horrors that I would never wish on any of my worst enemies.

The dressing room lights hide nothing.


Not like the smoke filled stage that the customers see, occluded by both a healthy beer fog and vision obliterating strobe lights. No no I saw it all with a sober mind and a pure heart. My dear friends I am pre-puke salivating at this very moment as I recall what I saw so I might make a vain attempt to describe the things that no mere words can possibly describe. Once while I was making my way to the stage with disinfectant to mop up after her "floor show", which entailed her sitting in a cake for customers to suck out of her ass crack, I saw her showering off. She was fully naked and unashamed… a cigarette limply hanging from her mouth as she showered. Her face is contorted into some grotesque mask, lips showing evidence of half a dozen injections and enhancements. Her cheek bones have been altered and raised.

She has gaunt sallow sinking cheeks of a $25 crack whore. Her eyes were like two soul sucking pools of gray tar and effluvia. Skin sickly yellowish and pockmarked everywhere, like she needed to molt or something. Tits like hard sacks of frozen lard covered with malignant cottage cheese cellulite.

She has a twat that looks like an upside-down bundt cake made from ham. Over the three days I heard and saw things no man should ever hear. "Can you see my tampon string? I better shove that sucker up there better." as she shoved her fist up herself. "Will you help me pull this dried latex out of my ass?" She made over $12,000 for six 10 minute shows over 3 days. Her show was the worst I have ever seen. She would just pour milk on herself or whip guys with their belts so hard as to give them misty eyes and welts that they will still have well into next week. Even as terrible as it was some customers acted like teenage girls that get to meet Elvis. Both men and women were screaming and jumping up and down and totally losing their minds.

Salon has a good article on the Houston 500 gang bang:

Kudos to that great American number 487 who went down on her. I salute you sir.