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Addison Improv this weekend, the ratings for the Spike special were great, and don’t say “faggot!”

I want to send out a huge “Thank You” to everyone that tuned into my Spike TV comedy special Saturday night.  The ratings were better than I could have ever hoped, and according to Spike’s press release 1.1 million people saw it, and it was the most watched thing on cable during it’s hour for men 18-34 and 18-49.  Now the dirty secret about television numbers is that ratings are horribly uninformed guesses at best, but those numbers are awesome for 12am to 1am on a Saturday, so I’ll take ‘em.
Of course it certainly didn’t hurt that I was on right after Diego Sanchez vs Clay Guida, one of the craziest fucking fights in the history of the Universe.

What all this number shit means for you, is that I’ll probably be able to do another one as soon as I have enough new material.
I couldn’t be in this position if it wasn’t for you people out there that enjoy my stuff, and I just want to let you all know that I appreciate it very much.
One of the things that I truly take pride in is that whenever I’m at a club the wait staff always tell me how cool my audiences are.
I have no idea how I pulled this off, but all over the country clubs consistently tell me that you people that come to see me are some of the most generous and friendly audiences that they ever see.
I have no idea how this happened, and I’m in no way taking any kind of credit for it, but I appreciate the fuck out of it.  I try to be as friendly and generous as I can, and when I hear that you guys are like that too it really means the fucking world to me.

I’m off to the Addison, Texas Improv this weekend with none other than Ari Shaffir and Joey Diaz.  If you enjoyed the comedy special, I’ve got a ton of material that wasn’t on that, as well as the real uncensored versions of the stuff they aired on Spike.
What’s really funny about the censored vs uncensored versions of my comedy special, was that the deal was when they were air it before 1am it would be censored, but after 1am it would be uncensored except for the word “faggot,” which in this goofy, politically correct, finger-pointing country we operate in has become the newest forbidden word.
Forget about context, that word is so evil it cannot even be uttered.  I don’t even use it to describe humans; I use it for a dog and some ants, but we’re being told that this is a word so heinous that context doesn’t matter.  It is FORBIDDEN!

Well, Saturday night rolls around, and they beeped just about every possible offending word including “dick” and “shit” but left in the 2 uses of “faggot.”  It was literally the only dirty word that made it though the censorship net at all, and it was the one that they said they wanted censored even from the uncut late night version.
Doh!
Go figure.  I don’t know how it happened, I just show up and do my act, but I thought that it was fucking hilarious that it didn’t get beeped.

I really wonder when as a culture we’re going to realize that words represent ideas, and that there are no “magic” words, and to give any word such a forbidden status just makes it all the more powerful when someone uses it.  It’s not like you’re ever going to stop people from saying “faggot,” you’re just going to make it have even more impact when it is used, especially when you try to say that any use of it at all, even in jest is unacceptably offensive.
What are even fucking crazier, are the people that say that it’s ok for gay guys to say it, but no one else – that it’s like black people and the word “nigger.”  I actually had a gay guy try to tell me that recently.  He said, “It’s our ‘nigger.’”  I told him that was probably the gayest thing I’ve ever heard him say, and that he could go fuck himself.

I’m not buying it.  Having one ridiculous, magic, forbidden word in our culture like “nigger” is bad enough, but to try to push for “faggot” to become the gay version of that at this late in the game is just fucking silly.
Celebrity gossip blogger “Perez Hilton” recently called Will.I.am from the black eye peas a faggot, and someone sucker punched him in the head for his indiscretion.  Apparently even if you’re gay yourself you can push some serious buttons with the use of this word!
The most disturbing thing about that whole event was the video that Perez put out giving his side of the story.  I DARE you to try to watch the whole thing.  It’s like waterboarding for your eyes and ears.  I made it through the first few minutes, but the reality overwhelmed me.  Seeing this yelling, spitting, gelatinous mass of a drama queen give his side of the story just forced me to think of what it must be like to actually be that guy, and I just couldn’t fucking take it.  I bailed at around 3 minutes.  I blame the weed.

Can’t we all just get along?

For the record, I think any kind of bigotry is contrary to, and in direct opposition of everything that is cool about people.  Love, friendship, art – bigotry is a toxin in all of those areas.  Nobody should give a fuck about whether you’re gay or straight, black or white.  I think the rational amongst us can all agree that humans should be judged on their own individual merit, not pre-judged into a group because it’s easier and requires less effort and thinking, and hating someone for being gay or for being anything else that doesn’t affect you is a horrible error in thinking.

That said… when someone sees you acting like a faggot, they should be able to call you on it.  It has absolutely nothing to do with being gay, and the straightest man in the entire world could have made that video and said those exact words in the manliest voice ever known, and it would still be an inarguable display of absolute faggotry.

Now, I’m sure a lot of you at this point are probably thinking, “Joe, what the fuck?  You’re really going on this much about Perez Hilton?  Not Iran, not, insane science experiments going on like the Jet Fusion research project – no, you wanna go on forever about celebrity bloggers getting hit with weak sucker punches?  Really?”
You’re right, and again… I blame the weed.
My point isn’t to hate on this Perez Hilton fellow, and I certainly don’t think he deserved to get hit.  He’s certainly not physically threatening, nor was he pretending to be, so going after him would in no way be a defensive thing.  It was an assault, and really kind of a bitch move.  But guess what?  That’s exactly what happens when you tell a black dude in a band, “You’re not a fucking artist, you’re a fucking faggot!”  It might not be right, but it’s probably gonna get you smacked.

You gotta give the li’l guy credit though, he got right up in dude’s face and said it with confidence.   That’s a strong line for a gelatinous, über-gay blogger to be using on a black guy in a band.  He even pissed off GLAAD.
I wonder if he uses that line all the time – like maybe it was his “go to” line whenever anyone started shit talking.

Like if he was at a restaurant complaining, “I would like to talk to your manager.”
“I AM the manager.”
“You’re not the fucking manager, you’re a fucking faggot!”
BAM!  Right in your FUCKING FACE!
When a guy THAT gay calls you a faggot, it definitely has some extra pop to it.
If you were really insecure and at a bad point in your life and he hit you with that, you might even consider it.  “Is he right?”  For a moment you will be weak, and that moment of weakness is when he’ll strike.  He will leap forth like a gay vampire, and as he sinks his gay fangs into your neck he is simultaneously marking you with the sweet, rotting scent of his acne puss as the zits on his face erupt against the stubble on your cheek.
You will be turned.

What the fuck am I talking about?  Exactly.  I was just asking myself the same thing.
Sorry.  I think I’ve been reading too much Stephen King lately, and again… I blame the weed.

So, in closing, my message in this blog is, thank you very much to all my fans, I’ll be at the Addison, Texas improv this Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and please, for the sake of all that’s good in the world, don’t be a faggot.

This was my 40th birthday cake given to me by my dear friends, just to let you know that faggot can also be a term of endearment.

cake