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Chicks…

I would imagine that sometimes it’s tough to be a chick. As a stand up comic I always find myself defending other female comics, because the general consensus from most guys is that chicks just aren’t that funny. Well, there’s actually quite a few really funny women out there, two that spring to my mind are Kathleen Madigan and my good friend Kelly Kursten.

If you’ve ever heard the "Getting Pumped" sketch I did on my album, Kelly played the mom. She works at the Comedy Store in LA all the time, and she makes me fucking cry with laughter. She’s honest, insightful and fucking ballsy as hell. I know a bunch of male comedians that cringe when they find out they have to follow her on stage. And cringe they should, the worthless little talentless bitches. As for Kathleen, I did the Montreal Comedy Festival with her a couple years ago, and she’s also a really funny chick, and a solid pro. There’s others that I think are really funny too, like Susie Essman and Margaret Cho. Point is, there are funny chicks out there, but there’s also a bunch that really, really suck. But that’s the case with most comedy, really. I would say that probably 90% of all the comics out there are fucking terrible. That’s why if you’ve ever seen me on the road, you’ve probably seen me with the same opening acts, either Chris McGuire or Joey Diaz. The last thing I want to do is be stuck on the road with some douche bag opening for me doing jokes about his girlfriend getting PMS.

In my opinion though, stand up is a harder road for a woman. You have the prejudice of the men in the audience to deal with, and if you’re even remotely attractive you have the jealousy of the women. Plus for a lot of moron audiences, the range of topics that are acceptable for a woman to talk about is much smaller in general.

On the internet however, it seems that women have it much, much easier.

There are tons, and tons of sites where thousands of retarded dudes visit everyday just because the site is run by a pretty girl. Some of them are what’s commonly referred to as "webcam chick" sites. My main man Stile has pages and pages of webcam ports that he has set up on his site. Mostly I think he has them there to try to convince them to show him their tits or something. They all have webcams in their rooms, and they update them on a regular basis, satisfying the voyeuristic needs of the pathetic dudes that are addicted to them. They even have yahoo fan clubs and chat rooms set up where these sad sacks can log in and chat about these purty young thangs. Even SADDER AND MORE PATHETIC than that is this wishlist that this one little snatch set up. (Thanks muwt from the messageboard for letting me in on this) It’s all the stuff that this sweet little thing would like you to buy her. You’ll never meet her, and even if you did, she’s only 14 so you couldn’t fuck her legally for another 4 years. But she would still like you to buy her the things on her little list.

Why?

Because she’s a pretty little thing, with a hairless little 14 year old peach that all the boys in her class want to touch. OK… but no one is really buying her that shit, right?

WRONG!

16 losers have purchased her things on this little list, including one dope who ponied up $107.94 for a 3com digital camera. I can only hope and pray that these people that bought her this stuff are her friends, or even better: they bought stuff for her as a part of a humorous story they are writing about cam chicks, but I doubt it. I think they’re probably just sad sacks that want to make the pretty girl happy. Maybe if he’s lucky she’ll mention him on her page and send him a little thank you e mail.

Daign has the answer…

I was all set to go over all the pathetic webcam sites that I’ve found, when Steel Girl posted this link on the messageboard. It’s a site set up by this dude daign where he reviews and breaks a bunch of the popular webcam girl sites.

It’s a really fucking funny site, and I laughed out loud a bunch of times when I was reading it. If you’re like me and you’re easily annoyed by all this, daign’s site is just what the doctor ordered. Enjoy it.

On the other hand, there are some really interesting chick sites out there…

The Misanthropic Bitch: One of my favorite sites on the net. TMB is a smart, vicious, chick with a site full of razor sharp commentary on men, women and life in general. How good are some of her articles? Well, I have a friend that was in a horrible marriage. After a particularly bad fight he had with his wife, I told him to read this homage to the nature of women that TMB wrote. He read it, and the next day he told his wife he wanted a divorce.

No bullshit.

I’ve also found some new sites, like Steel Girl: Cool site, and cool chick behind it.

Really interesting content, and totally unique. No mindless camslut is she, and no follower either, just a freaky chick and her freaky friends doing weird shit and experimenting with the web. How many of those camgirls have a picture series where their boyfriend sews his own mouth shut? Or how about the infamous Colon Blow Project where her and two friends took a double dose of really harsh laxatives every day for a week and documented their dumps.

No wish list, and no yahoo fan club. Just fun cool shit from a fun cool chick and her fucked up friends.

Green Fairy: More interesting and intelligent web content with mock webcam pics and the signature statement "Refusing to get my tits out online since 1997" That pretty much spells it out for you right there. She’s got some cool articles, like why porn for women does nothing for her, and when it’s on sites run by men it’s usually just a substitute for real content.

Enjoy the sites, and heap mad praise on the worthy keepers of the Vagina.