Editing tomorrow in LA

Tomorrow I’m headed into the guts of the filthy empire of Los Angeles to do the editing on my upcoming Spike TV comedy special.
As I’ve gotten older and seen more and more evidence that very little of our society is well planned out, the less I’ve wanted to be in LA. I’ve talked about getting out of here on the blog, and I’m in the process of making that happen as we speak. My goal is to be gone by this summer.

There’s some great things about LA; great restaurants, great comedy clubs, you can pretty much find anything you’re looking for here, but the sheer volume of humans is absolutely suffocating.
It was bad when I moved here 15 years ago, but now it just seems ridiculous. 5 lanes on each side of the highway, stopped dead for miles in both directions at 3 in the afternoon.
There’s no rush “hour,” it’s more like a block of time. It starts around 3 pm, and often lasts until after 7. In the morning it’s jammed up like that from 6:30 am until 10 on a good day.


The big question, of course, is that if it’s this bad now, what’s it going to be like 15 years from now? Is there even going to be an LA 15 years from now? If you look at it realistically, all empires crumble. All civilizations fall apart. They always have in the past, so why should we believe that this one is going to be any different? It might be a natural disaster that fucks the whole scene up for us, or it might be some man made insanity that lays it to waste, but either way the odds are eventually that it’s going to fall.

Maybe someday when the cycle of humanity has completed another course, and the newly industrialized survivors 25,000 years in the future have reinvented all of man’s great current discoveries and are laying the framework for a new city, maybe they’ll find the ruins of what was us.
Maybe by this time virtually all of our records will be in a digital form, and as soon as the shifting of the magnetic poles causes chaos and death all over the planet, and the solar storms cause all of our satellites to be useless, all we’ll have left is memories.

Maybe someday they’ll be digging the foundation for a building and they’ll dig up a long abandoned dildo shop, and scholars from the future will debate the role of the rubber cock in this mystery society.
They’ll probably see the stars on Hollywood boulevard and think those names are of Gods and Kings. Perhaps they’ll study it in school, and entire classes will be taught on the legacy of King Ryan Seacrest.
Maybe whatever happens to us will be so fucked up that virtually nothing remains.


What’s really incredible about LA, and all of the crowded cities in this country for that matter, is how relatively new everything is. Sometimes we forget that just 400 years ago there was nothing here. That’s fucking incredible when you really think about it. The entire continent was basically wide open, and within 400 years we’ve got it stuffed full with 300,000,000 people and an endless supply of shitty congested cities.

Tomorrow I’m gonna wade through the bullshit and head on down to the editing studio of the director of my Spike special, my good friend Anthony Giordano. Anthony and I have worked together for the past 7 years for the UFC, so it was a perfect fit to have him direct the Spike special.
He’s already come up with this really fucking cool animated opening segment of the special that I can’t wait to show you guys. It’s that alien head logo I have, but it’s a space ship hurling through the universe. It’s fucking completely bad ass. As soon as I can, I’ll put a video of it up here.

I’m also going to be shooting some video of tomorrows sessions, so we’ll have a little video blog going on this week too. I’m so fucking amped for this special to come out.
I really think it’s the best thing I’ve ever done by far.
I’ll be sending twitter updates throughout tomorrows session with photos, so if you’re bored check out the twitter feed and follow me. I update that quite a bit lately.

If you’re in the Southern California area this weekend I’m performing at the Improv in Brea, CA. All the information is available on this site by clicking on the dates section at the top of the page.