Blog

Oh no!! They’ve found me!

I got this e mail yesterday, and I really thought it was a goof until I clicked the link. It seems one of you silly people have turned me in to the voice of reason on the net, an assed up group of Christian fucktards that call themselves the Net Authority. Here’s the letter in it’s entirety:

Dear Joe Rogan,

It has recently been brought to our attention that you are, or have been, in violation of the Net Authority Acceptable Internet Usage Guidelines. It has been reported that you both distribute and view offensive materials over the Internet. Net Authority has investigated these claims by checking your webpage at http://www.joerogan.net and verified that they are true. As a result, your personal information has been added to one or more Net Authority Internet offender databases. Your information will be stored in the databases until enough evidence has been gathered against you to warrant further actions. To help avoid such a situation, it is strongly recommended that you cease your immoral actions on the Internet at once.

You have been added to the following databases:

- Hate Literature Offenders – Pornography Offenders – Child Pornography Offenders – Bestiality Offenders – Homosexual Pornography Offenders – Interracial Pornography Offenders – General Blasphemy Offenders

If you would like more information about Net Authority or the Net Authority Acceptable Internet Usage Guidelines, you may read the details at http://www.netauthority.org/. It is imperative that you fully understand the guidelines if you wish to avoid further prosecution.

While the individual who reported your actions to us will remain anonymous, he or she wished to pass these words on to you:

“Hey Joey, what’s all that grunting? I know your not just ‘lifting weights’ with your ‘buddy’!!”

May God be with you as you struggle to overcome these evil impulses. You will be in our prayers at night.

God speed, Net Authority Investigations Department investigations@netauthority.org http://www.netauthority.org/

How fucking great is that?

Thank you very much, whoever "turned me in."

My favorite part is where they say: "It is imperative that you fully understand the guidelines if you wish to avoid further prosecution."

Prosecution? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Like these lost and lonely fucking sheep have any power over anyone. What are they gonna do? Boycott my site? Not show up and my tour dates?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Oh no, I’m labeled in their database as a "general blasphemy offender," now what the fuck do I do? Is life as I know it over? I really wanna know how I got in the bestiality offenders list, not that I’m complaining!! And if any of you net authority retards are reading this please don’t remove me from it! In fact, can you add me to any more lists? Do you have a chronic masturbaters list? How about a special list for dirty comedians that wear flamboyant shirts? I once fucked a girl I just met in a restaurant while there were other paying customers right around the corner! Do you have a list for that? I have a great joke about Jesus being cloned and coming back retarded, are there any special lists that would get me on?

And as far as lists go, you fuck heads just made it to the top of my shit list, and as a matter of fact after reading this list I’ve decided to make a list of the most fucked up retarded sites on the internet, and your site just made the top of the list!

Get a fucking grip, you scared, lost little sheep. This isn’t the dark ages, and your pathetic little site is only inadvertently supplying the internet with humor, as is clearly evident by the posts on your messageboard.

Stop trying to protect your children from people like me, and maybe they won’t come out all fucked up and scared like you. Maybe they won’t panic when they see black people at the mall, and maybe they won’t get scared when they see two men holding hands or two women kissing.

This website is something that people like you should be very scared of, because it’s full of the truth, and it celebrates life.

Now put that on your little fucking list.

Rest in peace to one of the baddest motherfuckers that’s ever walked the face of the earth, the great John Lee Hooker has left the planet. Somewhere in the next plane of existence there must be one hell of a fucking party going on! I can see it now, John Lee walking through the gates with Jimi and Stevie Ray high fiving him on the way through. There ain’t never gonna be another one like John Lee, and may we all be inspired by the greatness that he embodied in his time amongst us mortals.

Make sure you say hi to him for me, Johnny B.

Wow, I’m crying like a school girl.