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STRANGE TIMES!!

Now I read this, and I know shit’s gonna get messy. Tricky Dicky Cheney says they’re gonna fund the transition to the white house with "other sources" if the General Services Administration doesn’t approve the transition. What the fuck that means, your guess is as good as mine, but I have a feeling it’s gonna get really ugly. What’s that Dick Cheney motherfucker doing out talking, anyway? Didn’t he just have a fucking heart attack? They pump him up with roids so he can go out and give a speech to renew our faith in his health or some shit.

Well I’m not buying it.

I’m sorry, but if you have 4 fucking heart attacks you shouldn’t be allowed to coach little league, never mind be the number 2 man in the most powerful country in the world. The dude has obviously got a shitty ticker, he should be at home with a blanket in his lap watching the 700 club, not doing a high pressure job like playing second fiddle to Georgie boy. I mean the fucking guy has a heart attack when there’s a problem with the rigged counting of the votes, what’s gonna happen to him if China acts up or if Iraq ever figures out how to make a nuke?

It seems to me that it’s pretty inevitable now that Bush will win, whether he deserved it or not and I have to say I really have mixed feelings about it.

As an American, of course I’m outraged. The guy is a fucking dope, he’s constantly saying retarded shit like "Nigeria is a very important continent" and "I know how hard it is to put food on your family." He’s been handed everything he’s ever gotten in life and he was accepted in Yale and Harvard despite having horrible grades. He dodged the draft in 68 by getting into the Air National Guard even though the guard had a year and a half waiting list, and he got into flight school even though he scored a miserable 25% on his pilot aptitude test. In other words, he has no fucking business being the President of the United States of America.

However…

As a comedian, I am licking my fucking chops at this asshole!!! He’s a fucking gold mine!!! He’s BOUND to fuck up in a HUGE way at least once every few months, and as soon as the pressure of the job hits him he’s very likely to start hitting the sauce again and snorting up the Bolivian marching powder. Count on that.

I’ve known a shitload of drunks and junkies in my time, and for the most part with very few exceptions, once a loser always a loser. I just bet that if he does fuck up again and hits the yayo, he won’t face anything near the penalties that his state of Texas gave out to nearly 30,000 citizens who were arrested with cocaine possession in 1998 alone. Bush approved legislation there that allows judges to sentence first time offenders possessing less than one gram of cocaine to six months in the pokey.

Purrty fucked up, huh?

Think about it, you’re a responsible adult, minding your own business out having a good time. Someone offers you some blow, "Fuck it, why not?" You get pulled over because you’re going 50 in a 45, you’re not even fucked up, maybe you’re headed home where you and your friends are gonna do a couple lines. Officer friendly decides to search your car, they find the blow. You can go to jail for 6 fucking months for that.

I think most drugs are stupid for the most part, but who the fuck is one grown human being to tell another grown human being what they can or can’t do with their life? That’s really what it boils down to, isn’t it? And you can’t tell me that it’s all thought out, because if it were, why is pot still illegal? You wanna go out and fuck yourself up with liquor, nobody seems to have a problem with that. Very strange indeed.

I actually think Canada has the right idea on this shit. Pretty fucking sad when our neighbors to the north, folks that still have English royalty on their money, can figure this shit out before we can. It’s all just getting curiouser and curiouser…