Talking Monkeys…

That’s what we are, folks. Just a cunt hair more evolved than your average ape. And with some of us even claiming that amount of progress is debatable.

For some reason though, we don’t want to believe this, we want to think that we’re better than that. We try to ignore our daily struggle against the urges or our DNA.

We still attempt to practice monogamy, even though it’s clearly not a natural thing. And we even have elaborate ritualistic monogamy ceremonies that every young gal is told to aspire to, even though over 50% of them end in divorce and as Chris Rock says, that’s just the people with the courage to get out. How many cowards just stay and suffer? We will stay in a job that we hate, so that we can save enough money to acquire a shiny object to attract the opposite sex.

We will try to elevate ourselves from the average monkey by doing things no one has done before, like this fucking dopey kid here that hasn’t said a word in 6 months. He got on the today show and because of it, too. He says he’s gonna go a whole year without a word.

You know what I think? I’m betting that he’s an annoying fuck that nobody wanted to talk to anyway. Nobody that’s cool to talk to would ever even consider doing something like this. It’s one of the only fucking things that we have over the regular monkeys…

We talk.

We laugh together, we exchange ideas.

And this fuck head doesn’t even do that anymore. All he does is eat, shit, sleep, and do his homework. Could you just imagine how much it would suck if your best friend all of a sudden decided not to talk for a year? What a selfish little fucking douche bag! You need to talk to him about something that’s really troubling you, and he has to answer you with a fucking pad and pen. What an asshole.

And for what? For 5 minutes on the today show? So that he can stand out from the other talking monkeys… So that he can walk down the street and they point at him and stare, and TALK about him: "Hey, there’s the fucking idiot that doesn’t talk." "Why isn’t he talking?" "’Cause he’s a fucking idiot, who cares. Let’s go get high." "OK."

If he was my kid I would choke him unconscious every 5 minutes until he got this assed up, retarded idea out of his head. They way most people are today though, I bet they have him give a fucking speech in front of his school about it when it’s over.

"I would like to talk to you today about my not talking…"


Sooooo many things to talk about, too. Like this:


Nice, huh?

Well guess what? THAT’S A FUCKING DOLL!!

Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell is the matter with people?

For $5,000.00 you too can have one of these life like jizz receptacles to bend over the love seat and pump your seed into.


No need for talking, no boring stories, no flowers, no phonecalls, no bullshit.

Just real, live, cold rubber waiting to catch your damaged sperm. Sweeeeet.

Well, I bet a lot of you have heard of the real doll before, but how many of you knew how far some people go with it? I bet these losers even have real doll swingers parties where they swap dolls and get off on shooting their cock snot into another man’s property.

Man there’s some twisted, sad, motherfuckers out there.

Speaking of which, my buddy Doug Stanhope (one of the funniest fucking guys out there, and if he’s ever performing in your area you HAVE to go and see him) Sent me an email the other day about this site, Apparently what they do is bait pedophiles on AOL instant messenger, and then fuck with them relentlessly.

It’s fucking awesome!! They rope these fucking degenerates in hook line and sinker and then they post it all up on their site, along with the perp’s AOL screen name, so that you can go looking for the fucking loser yourself if you’re so inclined. Go now and check it out!! The server is pretty slow though, and it says the site is gonna be down for about a month soon, so check it out while it’s there!

Much thanks to The Reverend Zeolite for creating this cool ass banner for my site.


I’m gonna eventually organize this place and put up a section just for reader submitted cool shit like this, and the girls of

Speaking of girls, and speaking of reader submitted stuff… it’s time for part 2 of the Rancid Turtle, a.k.a. Tony Z. in the place to be, Manly Manifesto!! The second part in his educational thesis on all things vagina.

Click here to enjoy!!


I will not be there this weekend. I had to cancel due to the shooting schedule of "Fear Factor." I have however rescheduled, and I will post the new date along with a few other dates for other clubs later this week. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.