Thank God for men like Jerry Falwell…

Do you believe in God?

I think I do.

Certainly not in any conventional sense of the word, but I believe there very well could be some incredible unseen order to the universe, and some power far beyond what human beings could possibly comprehend. I certainly believe that it’s POSSIBLE for there to be something incredibly powerful that we are not aware of. I believe in Karma. I believe in the concept of the universal soul, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. I believe that we really are all one, and that our insecurities and left over animal instincts hide all of the most beautiful elements of human interaction. If you don’t believe this, take two hits of ecstasy, and you will. I believe that it’s certainly possible for there to be a life after this one, that perhaps there’s another dimension, or another level of consciousness that we go to after we’re done here. I believe that it’s possible that our energy carries on to somewhere or something.

But what do I know for sure? Nothing. I can only physically be aware and sure of what I can see and prove, and anything else is just speculation. What I do know for sure is that for the most part, organized religion is pretty fucking goofy.

Organized religion is very much like a Chuck Norris movie, if you have half a brain and think for a moment about the plausibility of the plot, you’ll never be able to enjoy it. It’s amazing that religion is still around considering how long it’s been questioned. Even before Christianity there were Greek Sophists that questioned the laws of the Gods, saying that they were contrary to nature, and were a device to reverse the natural order and enable the weak to dominate the strong. Critias, an Athenian oligarch, even boldly went so far as to say that the Gods themselves had merely been invented to deter people from doing what they wanted to do.

It truly boggles my mind that a big percentage of people in the year 2001 in the U.S. of A., one of, if not the most socially advanced country in the world, believe in a goofy book that was written by people that lived thousands of years ago. It really just completely freaks me out when I think about it. They lived in a time when the world was flat, and the earth was the center of the universe. They wrote a book, said it was the word of God, and two thousand years later people are still buying their bullshit.

That is one fucking incredible human accomplishment.

The fact that a book filled with stories too dumb to make it into an episode of Xena Princess Warrior continues to be used as the guide for human behavior after all this time is truly fucking mind boggling.

We as a society, if we are going to accept the concepts of organized religion realize that we must put aside normal, natural, human skepticism and questioning in order for ANY of it to make ANY fucking sense whatsoever. Now how did they cover their ass on that one? How do they get you to NOT think, and NOT question? They get you with one simple word: FAITH.

Now if that ain’t a fuckin hoot and a half, I don’t know what is. They actually got rational, intelligent people to put aside THINKING and LOGIC just by saying you have to have faith.

And silly as it is, people bought it, and continue to buy it, hook line and sinker. The fact that these stories take in SO many people is what’s really disturbing to me. Simple, dumb, fucking stories that only a little kid should be able to believe.

Like Noah and the Ark, for instance.

Now, please… with any knowledge of science whatsoever and a grade school grasp of the food chain, how the fuck could you buy into that one? If you put 2 of each animal on a boat for 40 days, all you would have at the end is a couple stuffed crocodiles and a few nervous hippos and rhinos.

Animals EAT other animals.

And even if they did put off eating for 40 days, what the fuck are they going to eat when they get off the boat?

It’s such a simple puzzle that it’s actually quite confusing to me that people still believe it. It was designed to trick the people of 2,000 years ago, and yet today with all of our science and wisdom it’s still accepted by a frightening number of people.

Want even dumber? How about Adam and Eve.

Two people were created by God, these two people fucked, and their kids fucked each other, and that’s where we came from. Life was supposed to be perfect, pure and holy, but then that Eve chick went and ate the apple that God said not to eat, so now we’re screwed up forever.

Now, if that isn’t the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard in all my life, I really don’t know what is. Yet, there’s many intelligent people with important jobs and kids, that take that story as a fact.

Well, thank God for men Like Jerry Falwell.

Thank God for clueless manipulative fucks that say things that are soooo retarded that even their blind followers have to stop for a moment and question it. I hope that all across America, thousands of little old ladies that give away their retirement money to thieving assholes like Falwell and Pat Robertson put away their check books when they heard what those two douche bags had to say about the bombings. That pudgy, evil, hatemongering cocksucker Falwell actually said:

"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped this happen."

He said he believes that the attacks happened because "God continues to lift the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us probably what we deserve"

First off, are those the words of a true "Christian?" I thought that a true Christian does not point the finger of blame, but rather sends out prayers of forgiveness? I thought a true Christian believes in the healing power of love, not the scalding words of blame and judgment cast on innocents?

What gives?

I’ll tell you what gives, it’s just another example of a manipulative piece of shit twisting his own thoughts and ideas into his followers and pretending it’s gospel.

Just like the Taliban does to it’s followers.

Nowhere in the Koran (or Qur’an, depending on who’s spelling it) does it say that suicide bombers will receive the pleasure of 50 virgins once they get to heaven, but this is exactly what they tell the terrorists. Just a bunch of made up shit to get the followers to listen to them. I was watching a show on the Discovery channel that was detailing the history of Bin Laden, and bringing into light how these fanatical groups have twisted the words of the Koran and made it suit their mission. In fact the prophet Mohammed actually had firm rules on how a war of self defense should be waged, rules that are clearly AGAINST terrorism.

He stated:

"In avenging the injuries inflicted upon us, do not harm the non-belligerents in their homes; spare the weakness of women; do not injure infants at the breast, nor those who are sick. Do not destroy the houses of those who offer no resistance; and do not destroy their means of subsistence…"

The Qur’an says:

"Fight in the cause of God against those who fight you, but do not transgress limits. God does not love transgressors." (2:190)

These people that follow Bin Laden are no different that the pieces of shit that blow up abortion clinics and say that they’re doing God’s work. They’re not religious, or even spiritual. They’re just crazed, fucked up fanatics that use religion as a tool to justify horrendous acts. I’m pretty sure truly devout Muslims don’t spend their last night on the planet drinking and getting lap dances at a titty bar.

I’m also pretty sure that it doesn’t say in the Bible that you’re allowed to fuck goats, but that doesn’t seem to stop the good reverend.


My buddy Crescentwrench got that picture from the secret stash that the CIA keeps on assholes like Falwell to keep them from running for president. Amazing that it’s never leaked out before now.

Oh, and if you don’t think that a retard like Falwell could ever get enough votes to run for president, you’ve obviously never been to Alabama. After all of this comedy stuff gets old, I think I’m gonna start my own religion. It just seems way too easy not to try it at least once. I mean if a shitty science fiction writer like L. Ron Hubbard can get millions of followers to believe that we evolved from clams, I think I could do some real damage if I set my mind to it.

I learned a lot last week…

Whenever there’s a crisis you learn a lot about people by the way they deal with it. You learn the depth and the scope of a person’s emotions. You learn about how they deal with adversity.

I read a quote once that said "adversity does not build character, it reveals it." Although I think it’s a little bit of both, the bottom line is you can learn quite a bit about a person when the day to day script of life is thrown out the window, and all bets are off. I learned a lot last week, and I learned a lot about myself. I learned that although I’m well aware that the world is a volatile place filled with people that hate Americans, I never really expected to see a day where the chaos and violence reared it’s ugly face here. I learned that I was completely mentally unprepared for the idea that terrorists would attack here. My mind was literally spinning in place for days, where the information of the attacks was reaching my consciousness, but my preconceived notions and life long complacency would not let them in as fact. It was just far too mind blowing for me. I would watch the video footage over and over again, and it would seem to just enter my mind and ricochet right on out.

I had to watch it again, and again. I had to talk to friends again, and again. I had to talk to people that lost loved ones. I had to see the damage and the despair many times until it sank in. I learned how little I know about the frailty of the economy when I kept reading that airlines after airlines were laying off tens of thousands of people.

I learned how frightfully little most people know about global politics when I heard over and over again the questions "Why do they hate us?" and "Why don’t we just nuke them?"

I learned that I take great comfort in seeing the confidence and pure anger in the eyes of our nations military leaders when they were discussing retaliation. There’s nothing like seeing the real dogs of war in action when they’re set loose to do their job. I think Colin Powell alone speaking about it gave me more comfort that just about any speech I’ve ever seen any politician give. I really believe these guys know what the fuck they’re doing and now I truly know how important that is. In times like these I don’t want to see anyone on TV giving me political mumbo jumbo bullshit about negotiations and dialogue with the enemy, I want to see prime rib eating, scotch drinking, cigar smoking, stone cold killers talking about how we’re gonna go over there and fuck shit up.

In the spirit of getting back to life as normal, I’ll be posting part 2 of my Vegas trip as soon as I get my lazy ass to finish it…