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The weigh ins for UFC 103

I’m sitting on a plane right now headed to Dallas, Texas to witness and commentate on UFC 103.  Today I’ll announce the weigh ins where 26 fighters will step on to the scale, dehydrated and nervous, 24 hours away from swinging their bones at each other and attempting to strangle each other unconscious.  The weigh ins are always an interesting part of fight weekend because you get to see the fighters face to face a full day before combat.  Some guys look dried out and sickly from the weight cut, and just looking at their physical appearance often influences betting lines.  It’s a sophisticated thing, this weight cutting, and many of these fighters have it down to a science.  Looking to squeeze out every extra edge, it’s not unusual for guys to weigh in a full 20lbs lighter than they’ll be the next day for combat.

The weigh ins are open to the public, and always packed with rabid mixed martial arts fans, as well as an abundance of affliction t shirts and tribal tattoos.  Women will scream and cheer.  Men will puff out their chests and flex when their favorite fighter takes the scale.  Excitement will fill the air, building with each subsequent weigh in until it climaxes with the main event stare down.

Some folks will want to get their posters signed by their favorite fighters, but this the age of the internet, and when it comes to fan requests the digital photograph has far surpassed the autograph.  These days everyone’s phone has a camera, and everyone wants a picture of them holding their fist up standing next to Randy Couture on their facebook page.  That is easily one of the weirdest and goofiest things about MMA fans; the fist-up pose with the fighter.  I can’t think of another sport that has a pose that the fans take when they get pictures with the athletes where they mimic the activity they enjoy watching.  It’s not just a few guys striking this dopey pose, either.  It’s the majority.  I can completely understand if you’re a fighter yourself, and you want an image of camaraderie with one of your sporting idols, but if you’re an overweight short order cook who’s never even taken a tae bo class, do the world a favor and keep your fucking fist un-balled when you’re standing next to Anderson Silva.

Another unintentionally hilarious aspect of the MMA culture is the abundance of retarded macho “fight wear” T-shirts.  The enormous financial success of enterprising clothing companies like “Tapout” have given birth to a rise of ham-handed imitators where each one tries to out retard the next.  Images of chained up pitbulls and skulls are the norm with shiny foil letters to make sure you can clearly read the “Break my dick off in your ass – fight wear” label.   At the last UFC in New Jersey I actually saw a guy in the audience with a shirt that said, “Some guys are strikers, some guys are grapplers… I’M BOTH!”
Good lord.  Someone please find that poor fuck and give him a hug.

The doucebaggery isn’t limited to T-shirts, either.  I had one guy email me that actually wanted to sell me an pendant that was an MMA glove smothered in diamonds.  The name of his company?  “Hard as diamond – for those who are.”
No bullshit.
Could you even imagine the near fatal levels of meathead you would have to be infected with to walk out of your house with a diamond encrusted fighting glove around your neck?  On paper it doesn’t even seem possible.
You would think that if you were that retarded there’s no way you would be able to scrape together the kind of money you would need to purchase such an expensive monstrosity.  The only way I could see it happen is if maybe the buyer in question won the lottery, or possibly won a huge settlement in some brain damage inducing accident at the local toilet factory or something.  Talk about your small target markets.

I emailed the enterprising young jeweler back to say that I wasn’t really interested in the glove, but I wanted to know if he could possibly make me a gold pendant of a dragon fucking a pit bull in the ass – covered in diamonds.  I also wanted to know if the dragon’s tail could possibly be constructed in a manner that would allow for it to be detached and double as a cock ring.
I eagerly await his response.

The weigh ins went well, with a couple fighters above the weight limit.  Hermes Franca is fighting Tyson Griffin in a very exciting lightweight battle, and Hermes informed the UFC that he wasn’t able to make the agreed upon 155lb class so they settled on a catch weight of 159.  I’m not sure why he showed up heavy, but it could be because of illness, or maybe an injury.  I’m sure we’ll find out after the fight.  Tyson had no problem with Hermes not making the weight since because of this failure Hermes forfeits 15% of his fight purse to him.

Former light heavyweight champion Vitor Belfort is facing former middleweight champion Rich Franklin in a fantastic main event between two seasoned veterans.  Vitor showed up ¼ of a pound heavy, but made the weight easily on the second try.  The only other failure to make weight was by Efrain Escudero, a former winner of the Ultimate Fighter who is facing the very tough up and coming Cole Miller in a bout to be televised live on Spike TV.  Efrain struggled to make the 155lb limit, but eventually got there.
Should be an awesome night of fights.  There’s 13 fights total, with 2 of them featured live on Spike TV at 9est, and then 5 or more of them airing on pay per view depending on how many early knockouts or submissions there are during the main card.

As I finish this up, it’s 12:30 and I’m just waiting for my waffles and eggs to digest so that I can head downstairs to the gym to get a workout in before the show.  I really fucking love these UFC events, and I look forward to each and every one of them.  Being a commentator for the UFC is truly one of the greatest jobs on the planet and it’s my all time favorite sport to watch by a long shot.  I’ll take some pictures and video and have it all up for you guys tomorrow.