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There goes the neighborhood…

Well, Fear Factor finally debuted Monday night, and it squashed the competition and got the highest ratings NBC has seen in that time slot in 7 years. The show had a 58% advantage in viewers over it’s competition, with 85% more of the men 18 to 49 watching it (that’s where the cash is, baby.)

Everyone is happy, except the critics that gave us shitty reviews, all of which I would like to thank. With your pathetic and unenlightened social commentary you caused far more people to tune in to the show than would have normally, and without your declarations of this show marking the beginning of the end of civilization we would have probably gotten half the ratings we did.

Gracias.

Now please keep it up so that we can continue to ride this wave of ratings success. If we can only get that Bush boy and his retarded posse to talk about it, we could really do some damage.

It’s just a goofy game show, you fuck heads. That’s it. We make no claims of it being high art, or of it being ANY kind of art for that matter. We just said it was gonna be entertaining, and for the millions of people that tuned in we were right. Now stop taking your selves so fucking seriously, and maybe you would see how silly this all is. It’s so funny watching all these dopes taking the moral high ground and saying how horrifying this show is. One guy actually compared the show to snuff films, while another asshole cried out about how horrible it was in this day and age to see an African American man being dragged by a horse. –I guess it wasn’t so horrible to see a white woman dragged by the same horse?

Whatever.

By the way, everyone that participated in this show told me they had a great time, even the ones that didn’t win shit.

An important thing to remember while looking at all this shit, is that most people don’t start out to become critics, they become critics because they have nothing to contribute. They are mostly failed screenwriters or authors who think that they can make their mark by being the ones with the most scathing commentary. They sit alone in their shitty apartments writing dopey little obvious articles that are usually neither biting, nor funny. They actually think they are being profound when they say things like "What is Television coming to?"

There are a few that get it, like this guy here, Noel Holston from the Minneapolis Star Tribune who wrote about the show: "…This is stupid, pointless, dangerous. Kids will be trying to imitate these stunts, just as they have tried to ape the car-jumping and sewage-diving on MTV’s “Jackass.” This is a pathetic excuse for entertainment, an insult to professional performers who have spent lifetimes learning to act, sing, dance, juggle. This is a mockery of people here and abroad who face daily “reality” that is truly harsh and dangerous. This is a decadent time-killer for a handful of thrill-seekers and millions of voyeuristic couch potatoes. But another part of my brain interjects that, well, if all that’s true, then we ought to be ashamed of having roller coasters, rock-climbing, circuses, NASCAR races, diving boards, stilts and “Mummy” sequels. “Fear Factor” not only has more thrills, cheap or not, than the other shows of its ilk, but it also has more laughs. From Rogan’s bemused observations to the satirical soundtrack — mock spaghetti-Western during the horse bit, for instance — it’s apparent the producers aren’t taking this too seriously. And I think this is going to pay off big time for NBC. I don’t smell a rat. I smell a hit."

Well, I couldn’t agree more. If you’re a critic, and you’re offended by my depiction of the majority of critics, please feel free to write about it and defend yourself. I’m sure you’ll just prove my point, and we could always use the press.

I’ll be on Politically Incorrect Thursday night, please tune in and watch a bunch of people try to sound smart and talk over each other.

About being a future contestant on Fear Factor:

We were contracted by NBC to do 9 episodes, all of which are finished. As of right now, NBC has not ordered any new episodes, but when they do, you’ll hear about it here first, along with instructions on how and where to apply to be on the show.

For now though, you can actually create your own stunts to submit to Fear Factor by clicking this link here and scrolling down to the bottom of the page. If your stunt is feasible and safe it actually has a possibility of making it one the show if and when we get picked up for more.