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Update on the girl from JoeShow 5

I’ve gotten a ton of emails about this, so apparently some of you folks were entertained by that bizarre conversation that I had with that lost little flower of a woman in JoeShow 5, and I figured you would appreciate this little update.

She apparently has seen the tape, so she decided to email me.

“Joe,

Hi, this is Shannon (Girl from episode 5). I just wanted to let u know u did a good job of editing. U didnt show you answering the phone so it makes me look stupid…thanks alot!!!!!!!!!!

A lot of people in Michigan are disappointed to find out that your a jerk in real life. :o (

O’ well, im sure it wont make a difference in the amount of money you make. If for some reason you feel bad or guilty for the way you treated me you can email me back to say sorry :o ) ”

edit: since I’ve gotten SO many emails asking me about this, I just thought I would answer it right here; I did NOT answer the phone like she accuses me of in the email, nor did I edit the video in anyway that would twist the truth. The girl is exactly as crazy as she appears. If the phone call was from a good friend or if it was important I certainly WOULD have answered it, but I would have said “excuse me” first and stepped away.

I’m all polite like that, and shit :)

First off, can I just say that there’s very few things in life that please me more than people substituting words with single letters that share the same name. It’s economical, it’s easy to understand, and it shows attitude.

You’re just letting everybody know that you’re fucking wild, and you’re not playing by anyone else’s rules.

Personally, I blame AOL.

When AOL came out with that instant messenger thingy, millions of people that never bothered to learn how to form a proper sentence were forced to ad-lib and try to mimic what they thought a sentence should look like.

There were several different sub-cultures of these typing abusers. The ALL CAPS WRITING GUY is always a good one. He’s showing you he’s not FUCKING AROUND. He’s a serious, take no guff kind of guy, and I guaran-fucking-tee he’s a republican. Very few democrats take the all caps approach.

The democrats, on the other hand are much more likely to think they’re being clever by using no caps.

I don’t know why, but that bugs the shit out of me even more than the all caps sometimes.

I usually assume that the “all caps” guy is just a fucking moron with shitty genes, and a shitty job, and that he lives in a shitty town, and that all of his friends are dumb too.

I pity them more than anything.

The “no caps” guy on the other hand, is probably fairly smart, but almost definitely annoying. He saw someone else write with no caps somewhere on a messageboard and he decided to steal the idea and try it himself.

To write in no caps just looks so… rational.

So unaffected by emotion.

So above the grid.

He’s the kind of guy that takes great pleasure if he knows something that you don’t know. He doesn’t want to just share something with you that he found out that you haven’t heard of… no, he wants to get social points for knowing it.

In his mind, him having memorized something that somebody else figured out is really almost as good as actually having figured out that something by himself and writing a book on it.

The most puzzling group to me though, is the “use a letter that has the same name as the word you’re using” people. They’re just weird.

In the letter above, you see that she starts out with the “use a letter that has the same name as the word you’re using” approach, but then drops it and ends normal. Maybe she got a ghost writer to finish it up for her.

Now, a lot of people have seen that video and said shit like “I can’t believe some of the morons you have to put up with.” And to that I just have to say that video is nothing.

I come in to contact with people WAY dumber than that, all the time. She was actually a very mild case. I think what it boiled down to really, was that she was a little star struck and she didn’t know how to compose herself that well. She’s probably used to really bad relationships with men where all sorts of stupid games are played, so that’s kind of her default setting to behave like that.

No biggie.

It made for a mildly amusing video, so it was worth it for sure.

And the email she sent? As dumb as it is, it’s nothing compared to some of the shit that hits my inbox every day. I actually have a special folder on my email program titled “email morons” where I store them.

Here’s a little sample from a gem I got the other day:

“Just wanted to let you kno dat ur a dum-ass. The way you act on fear factor is not only ridiculous, but worse than the way Bam Magera on Viva La Bam acts. And all he does is pull pranks all day.

Dude, I wouldn’t sleep with you if u were the last man on earth. An anotha thing, u’re frm jersey? Well, I’m frm tha Chi. Datz Chi-Town. Tha winday citay babay. Now wha??

Anywayz, gotta dare 4 ya.. I dare u dat if u eat some uh dat nasty shyt dat u make fun of those on ur show, I’ll sleep with you. And yes, I ain’t afraid t’admit dat I am a virg. Abstinence reasons alone only.”

She then goes on to post her home and work phone numbers along with her home and work address.

That’s all real, no editing.

Pretty sweet, huh? All just a day in the life.

And I’m not complaining. Not a bit. I find it all pretty fucking interesting, actually.

Especially when I’m stoned.

monk_and_I