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VEGAS, Baby!! VEGAS!!!!!!

I’m off to Vegas in the am to work at the Riviera hotel and Casino, the biggest fucking shithole on the strip. I think that’s the last time I’m gonna work at that hotel, though. It’s just too fucking depressing.

Imagine an entire casino filled with white trash UFO abductees and tornado survivors and you’ve got the Riv in a nutshell. Every guy has too much jewelry, and every girl’s got too much makeup.

Last time I was there my buddy Brian (the guy I fucked in the ass in the "Getting Pumped" sketch) and I got propositioned by a 240lb hooker who’s breath smelled like she had just eaten a hundred and fifty shit sandwiches and had a drunken mariachi band fart in her mouth for a half hour.

The only reason why I go there still is that my buddy Steve books it (although he moved to NY to be on "The Sopranos" full time now – he plays Uncle Junior’s right hand man) That, and the fact that I just fucking love Vegas.

I love the idea behind it – No time limits, drink whenever you want, the casino never closes, more strip clubs than gas stations, and people actually hand you advertisements for hookers when you’re walking down the street.

It’s as close to civilized chaos as you can possibly get, and I’m a HUGE fan of chaos.

I also love the fact that the dopes that go there KNOW they’re gonna lose all their money, and yet they go anyway!!!!!

Bugsy Segal was a fucking genius!!

I don’t really gamble myself, well I did the last time I was in Vegas – I fucked a stripper with no rubber!

Ba-dum-bum!!!

"Is this thing on?…tap tap tap…Thank you, I’m here all week, try the veal!"

Anyway, I’ll see all you sick fucks on Monday when I get back.

Keep an eye on the store for me, will ya?