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What do YOU believe?

joey_busted

I saw this article, and I had to think that it was one of the most retarded things I’ve read in quite some time. A doubles team was disqualified in the state finals in Chattanooga, Tenn. because one of them, a guy named Cameron Boyd yelled out "Jesus Christ" when he screwed up. They were disqualified by a fucktard named Jan Genosi, who cited the profanity law.

Now here’s where it gets silly… You’re allowed to yell out "Jesus", and you’re allowed to yell out "Christ", but you’re not allowed to yell the two of them together. As if someone could yell out "Jesus!" and the people in the crowd would be like: "Jesus who?" I wonder if you’re allowed to yell out Jesus with other things that aren’t obscene on their own, like "Jesus toilet!", or maybe "Jesus H. Maxipad!" Either way, since when is "Jesus Christ" a swear? Is saying it while you’re angry what makes it obscene? If so, that should be the case with ALL swear words. As long as you’re happy it shouldn’t be obscene. You should be able to use those words in a celebratory way and freely say "Fuck Yeah!" whenever anything good happens to you.

Score a touchdown? "Fuck Yeah!"Ace that term paper? "Cock Sucker!"

As long as you’re happy, and no ill will is being spread, all should be hunky dorey. THAT is why this is truly retarded. If this kid had yelled out just "Christ!" would he have been thinking anything different? Would anyone in the audience have interpreted his feelings in a different way? Of course not. Oh yeah, Jesus has already come back, and he’s giving out baths. If you’re a young woman, and you live in the DC area, you too can take a bath with Jesus! Dudes need not apply though, apparently Jesus doesn’t like homos. Maybe though you might be able to sneak in…you can always doctor up a picture with photoshop so that you look like a chick and send it to him, then when he actually meets you and finds out you’re not really a girl it’s pretty much too late. (thanks crescenwrench)

me_in_dress

You’re already there with your towel and your scented candles, he’s gotta let you in the tub, no?

Who knows, maybe you’ll even be doing him a favor. If you look here you’ll see that the Bible is FILLED with contradictions, perhaps Jesus is too.

I wanna thank everyone for all their kind words about the passing of my friend Johnny B. It was very cool of all of you that emailed me with condolences, and even if you didn’t e mail me I appreciate your thoughts. However… If you do email me, please try not to get pissed if I don’t e mail you back. Somedays I just get fucking assloads of emails, and it’s virtually impossible for me to answer them all and still conduct my life. I’m not gonna hire someone to answer them, because that’s just gross, but I do read them all. If I get back to you there’s really no method to my madness, you just got lucky. Sometimes I have a couple hours to kill, so I try to answer mail. The only sure fire way to get me to pay special attention is if you’re a hot chick and you send me some flesh pics, other than that, I’ll try to answer as many as I can, but if I don’t get to you don’t whine at me like a little bitch. It really doesn’t help.

I’m gonna be at the improv in LA this Friday and Saturday, and the Comedy Store late Friday night. Next week, I’m going on a tear off to the east coast with my main man, Joey "the Cuban eggroll" Diaz. I’m doing Howard Stern all morning next Friday the 8th, then I’m at Rascals in West Orange New Jersey at night on the 8th and the 9th.

Come on down and get the party started!

Speaking of Joey, he turned me on to this, and you MUST go out an pick up the latest issue of Rolling Stone. It’s the one with the rock on the cover, and it’s got a HUGE article about how Suge Knight and these crooked cops he had working for him had Notorious BIG and Tupac killed. It’s a fascinating article, and it’s gonna fucking blow up in the courts and on TV anyday now. You can find the smaller online version of the article here, but I really recommend you go out and get the full thing. It’s fucking wild, and I’m really curious to see what’s gonna happen with this thing.

According to my friends over at We Hate Everyone, what you should NOT check out is Pearl Harbor. Apparently it’s a big stinky turd. What a shocker that is, huh?

Oh yeah, there IS NO energy crisis, and we’re all getting fucked in the ass because as the late, great Bill Hicks would say, George W. sucks Satan’s Cock.