White Devil News!
George Washington was a black man!!
If you live in NY, this probably won’t come as a surprise to you, but if you’ve never experienced the big apple, chances are you’ve never had the pleasure of meeting the Black Israelites.
Why Joe, whatever are you talking about?
Funny you should ask…
When I lived in NY there was this great cable access program where these black dudes would go on the air and shit all over the "So called white man" and explain to us "Dog races" how the black man is the true Israelite and the superior human being. Not only would they do this, but they would dress up in these crazy super hero costumes and scream at the camera, quoting the bible the whole time.
It was fucking awesome!
Me and my friend John Tobin used to tape these shows and watch them all the time. We would fucking howl!
It was just too good to be real. Not only would they say crazy racist shit, but the fucking outfits they wore were priceless.
I mean, hey, what better way to get people do listen to your silly racist bullshit than to dress up like an extra from Xena princess warrior?
Anyway, while I was in NY last week I was walking through Time Square and much to my delight I saw that these guys had a stand set up with a loud speaker and a podium right there on the sidewalk!
So, being the asshole that I am, of course I had to go and watch. I ran (literally) back to my Hotel room to grab my camera so that I can get some evidence of this shit, because if you’ve never seen it you would never fucking believe me.
I stood amongst the enthusiastic, cheering (100% black except for me) crowd for well over an hour.
"Preach on!" Someone would say, and the audience would clap. The super hero with the mic at the time would oblige, telling them about all the lies that America has told them.
I learned much.
Like for instance, did you know that George Washington was a black man?
I bet you didn’t!
Not only that, but he wasn’t even the first president of the US of A!!
According to my super hero friend there were 5 other presidents before the "So called father of our country", and they were all black as coal!!
Thomas Jefferson, was black!! Abraham Lincoln was a black man! Ben Franklin, BLACK!
And many more throughout history!
Shakespeare, was a BLACK MAN!! Socrates, was black!
In fact, I was informed, EVERYONE who had ever done anything worthwhile or "Righteous" throughout human history was a black man!!
Incredible that they could keep this information from people for so long!
Of course I was skeptical at first, but then one of the super heroes revealed proof!!
He had actual real drawings that proved every thing he said.
Boy did I feel duped. All this time I thought these people were white, then right before my eyes I saw proof of the contrary.
But it gets deeper than that.
As Paul Mooney would say: "The shit is deep!"
Apparently God is very angry at the white man, so he sends his angels to come down in UFO’s and "Beat the mess out of these so called white people."
Well, this is where it started to get scary with me, because now he was actually crossing into areas of my own personal beliefs.
"Hmm… Maybe it’s time to go now" I think, when I feel a finger tap me on the shoulder.
I turn around, and it’s one of the super heroes.
Oh, shit. I’m thinking I might be in a little fucking trouble here.
"Hey man, where you from?"
"Lemme ask you a question…"
I’m thinking shit, he’s pissed, he’s gonna ask why I’m taking so many pictures, why I keep giggling when they say "The so called white man… "
"Sure, what’s up?"
"Are you Joe Rogan?"
Holy shit, he knows who I am!
Then the next question really cracks me up:
"Are you Italian?"
You see, to simple racists if you’re Italian, you’re not white.
Come on folks, didn’t you ever see "True Romance?" Italians, especially Sicilians like my relatives, are all descendants of people that were raped by African warriors, so in his eyes, I was ok.
"Yeah." I say, with a big smile on my face.
"You a funny motherfucker! I love watching you on that show, newsradio, and I seen you do stand-up on tv once. You did that thing about the Lions fucking."
"Yeah, that’s me."
"You live here?"
"No, I’m in town working at Caroline’s."
"Man, why don’t you hook us up with some tickets?"
"I will, if you promise to come to the show dressed like that."
I don’t think he thought that was funny.
"Can I get a picture of you?"
I snap off a picture, and then he wants me to meet some of the boyz.
"Hey man, this is Joe Rogan, he’s on that show newsradio."
"Hey, that’s cool. Are you Jewish?"
"No, I’m Italian, why do you ask?"
"Well I know there’s a lot of Jews in the industry."
"They’re not even real Jews."
"No, Caucasians can’t be Jews."
"Nope. You see all those people running around with the hats on, all dressed the same with the curls dangling down the side of they hair, they ain’t Jewish."
Oh my god! This was too fucking good to be true. Here was a guy dressed like this:
Making fun of the way Hasidic Jews dress.
"Wow, I didn’t know that. Can I get a picture with you?"
He has this look on his face like I know he’s suspecting I may be goofing on him, but he lets me take it anyway. He seems uncomfortable, so I ask the guy taking the picture to take a second one, just to fuck with him.
I thanked them all, and then I went back to the Hotel and laughed for a solid half hour.
Sometimes real life is just way funnier than shit you can make up.
Good times… Good times…