Win a fanny pack autographed by me

I know I haven’t put up a blog in a while, but part of that I can blame on my recent nose surgery.  I had a deviated septum operated on and I made a video about it that you can watch it here.


Now, I know that’s not the best excuse for not writing anything, because if I can make a video I can damn sure write a little bit here and there, but to be honest with you I’ve been enjoying the down time
One of the nicest things about having surgery, (besides getting whatever thing fixed that they operated on) is that you’re expected to relax to recover.  Now normally for me, every time I just sit around doing nothing I feel like a fucking loser.
I never feel like I’ve earned enough downtime to just veg out for days in front of the tube or just sit around reading books all day, but that’s what I’ve been doing for the past week, and I fucking love it.
I didn’t feel guilty for a second.  I’m really going to have to learn how to do that under normal conditions.  I’ve tried, but I always find myself thinking of what I should be doing and how I’m wasting my time.
Now the obvious solution to that is to just get everything done that needs to be done so that I can relax, but I obsess, and I never feel like I ever really get to that place.
Even on vacation I sit around thinking about how much shit I’m going to get done once I get back home.

Anyway, point is, I’m inspired, rested, recharged and back to the keyboard.  Tomorrow I go in to the doctors office to get all the blood clots, scabs and snot sucked out of my nose, (more video to come) and then this weekend it’s off to Vegas for the biggest fucking UFC card in the history of the sport.
It’s UFC 100, and it’s going to be off the charts insane.  Brock Lesnar vs Frank Mir for the main event, GSP vs Thiago Alves for the welterweight crown, and a shitload of other awesome fights.  All of my best friends are going to be down there for the weekend, and we’re going to suck every once of fun out of that rotten, fucked up town for two days.  That, by the way, is the perfect amount of time to stay in Vegas.  Two days is MORE than enough.  Anything more, and you wish you were home taking penicillin and looking into yoga classes.  Anything less and you feel like you’re missing out.  Two days – trust me.
Redban is going to be there as well, so we’re going to have plenty of great video coverage of the weekend for you fucking savages.  The great Russell Peters is hanging with us, along with Ari Shaffir, and the funniest man to ever walk the face of the earth, Joey Diaz.
I can’t wait!

One thing for sure, if you see me at the airport this weekend, or checking into the hotel, I WILL be rocking a fanny pack.  People keep asking me if I’m serious about this whole, “bringing back the fanny pack” quest that I’ve talked about, and the answer is hell motherfucking YES.
I don’t wanna hear anything about how gay it looks, I KNOW it looks gay, but you know what?  It’s convenient, and I like wearing it, and it would be far more pathetic of me to not wear something I like because I was worried about the way it looks than it would be to ROCK that goofy piece of forbidden fashion with a big fat smile on my face.  I really, truly don’t give a fuck.  It makes traveling through the airport metal detector way easier, and I think it’s funny when people look at me wearing it like I’ve got a plate of moist puppy shit strapped to my waist.  I know there are a lot of people out there reading this that enjoy the convenience of the fanny pack, but they’re afraid of the social repercussions.  Well, fear no more, my timid friends.  It’s about time we brought that bitch back.  I’m so committed to this venture that I’ve teamed up with and we’re putting together a contest.  Whoever can come up with a list of the 10 best things that you can keep in a fanny pack will get a free one autographed by yours truly.  Go to the site to read all about the details.

My Spike TV comedy special “Talking Monkeys in Space” aired again tonight, and thank you very much for all the kind words I’ve received about it in emails and from twitter. I really appreciate it.
I’ll have some more shit up for you guys before the weekend, and I’ll be performing with Joey Diaz tomorrow night at the Brea improv just to knock the dust off the new material and kick it with one of my best friends on the planet.  Come on out if you’re in the neighborhood.